the freedom in the free fall:
(a lesson in trusting God.)
I’ll be completely honest: I fell off.
I fell off with my business. I fell off from my daily Bible reading. And as a result of falling off, I’ve just felt “off” lately.
Usually, I read a chapter before bed. I recently started over and left off at Exodus 5. I didn’t realize how significant that would be until this weekend, when God sat me down and taught me a valuable lesson.
a bit of backstory…
It started Friday. My son wanted to go to his Grandma’s, and as a single mom, I take all the free time I can get! So I happily dropped him off, but on the drive back I found myself wondering:
I just started a new job, I’m revamping my business, and I have a free weekend…all that’s missing is someone to share it with.
God has had me in a season of isolation for AT LEAST the past 3 years. I even made a covenant of abstinence until marriage, but let’s be real—there haven’t been any prospects, and yes, your girl has been going through it.
In that time I learned to enjoy my own company, getting more intimately acquainted, not just with myself but with the Lord. But as I drove home that Friday I couldn’t help but yearn for more human connection. After all, it’s not good for (wo)man to be alone, right? So I drove, thinking of ways I could “help” God out a little bit. You know, just in case He was a little busy. 😅
As I pulled into my apartment community, I decided to go for a walk on the nearby greenway. I’d almost decided against it, but it was a nice day after all, and I could use the fresh air.
Near the trail’s entrance, this fine Black man seemingly spawned out of nowhere. He was working on his car, and was a little rugged and dirty. My shy self tried to avoid him, but he came up and shouted after me…and then commenced a brief, yet awkward conversation.
I walked away thinking:
He didn’t ask for my number. Did I do something wrong? He was clearly attracted to me, right? Oh wait, maybe he’s married. But why so boldly strike up such a conversation with me?
I told myself that if he was still there where I got back from my walk, I’d muster up the courage to say something. Seize the day and all that jazz.
Meanwhile I continued on my walk, enjoying the nice stretch of weather we were having recently. On my way back, I found a wounded bird. It could barely walk, so it just sat there, helplessly; likely ran over by one of the many bikes or scooters that zoom through the path carelessly on the regular. I comforted it as best I could while calling and coordinating for a wildlife volunteer to come pick it up.
what kind of animal wouldn’t help this little cutie?
I walked back home slowly; cradling the bird, thinking, If that guy is still there, at least I have a conversation starter. As I rounded the corner I looked over and…there he was! I continued to walk slowly, and as I approached and was about to speak the bird got nervous and jumped out of my hand. Flustered, I went to pick it back up and, I kid you not, this was the conversation that transpired:
Mechanic: “Ew shorty! What the f*ck was that?”
Me (desperately trying to recapture the runaway bird): “It’s a wounded bird, I found him on the greenway.”
Mechanic: “Nah shorty you gotta leave him there! Let one of the stray cats get his a**!”
Me (still trying to get the bird): No, I have a volunteer on the way to pick it up.”
Mechanic: “Leave his a** there! That’s the circle of life!”
Me (turned all the way off by his language and harshness): [ignores him, safely picks up the bird and speed walks home.]
Mechanic: “Ay yo, and make sure you wash your hands, shorty!”
Ummmm…Excuse me, but did this man just call me “shorty” 3 times in a 30-second timespan?!?!
#nope!
the plot twist.
Somehow I’d made it through the front door, up 3 flights of stairs and inside my apartment. I contained the bird in an old cardboard box. I ran to my bedroom and placed the box on top of my Bible. Little birdie helped me out, alright—just not the way I’d hoped. Thank GOD I saw that man's true character before I ever gave him my number.
Ah well, another one bites the dust. I waited around for the volunteer to arrive. While making dinner, I entertained the idea…What if a cute, single black guy comes to pick up the bird…? But did attractive, single, God-fearing, Christ-centered Black men volunteer for after-hours wildlife rescues? Unlikely, I thought. I fully expected some White girl named “Sally” with short, rainbow hair and a pixie cut to show up.
So imagine my surprise when I answer my doorbell, and an attractive young Black man came strolling up the stairs! 😳
(…Ok ok, to be honest, he was too young for my taste, BUT! God shut me up real quick!)
After I transferred the bird to his care and sent him on his merry way, I had no choice but to shout:
“Ok, I see you, Lord!!”
The lesson?
Don't put limits on God.
It reminded me that with Him nothing is impossible. I wasn’t expecting to see a fine Black mechanic in my apartment community on a last minute stroll, and I definitely wasn’t expecting to see an attractive Black being delivered straight to my doorstep!
the confirmation.
After a shower and some prayer, I sat down and cracked open my Bible (app) for the first time in what felt like forever, to pick up where I left off. After reading the verse of the day, I tapped on the Bible icon and was taken to Exodus 5.
Now if you’re not familiar with Exodus 5, it’s the beginnings of the story of Moses, who God had chosen to convince the Pharaoh to let His people (the Israelites) go and to lead them out of slavery in Egypt:
Moses struggled with trust in God because he let his human limitations tell him he couldn’t fulfill the purpose God had for him. However despite his doubts, he confronted Pharaoh (by way of his brother, Aaron) as God instructed. He demanded that the Pharoah release the Israelites for 3 days so they could offer sacrifices to the Lord. The Pharaoh, who did not worship God, scoffed at the request and refused to let the Israelites go. Even worse, he ordered the slave drivers to work them harder! The Israelites began to scorn Moses, and at that point Moses began to question God’s plan.
Moses did what a lot of us do in the face of hardship: we begin to doubt God. We start to trust what we see over what God said. We discourage ourselves from continuing on the path God has us on because we get a little (…ok, sometimes a lot of) push back along the way. In the story of Moses, it takes him at least 10 more tries before Pharaoh gives in and sets the Israelites free. But though it took longer than expected, when they were finally free to leave they left with all the silver and gold the Egyptians held dear; the Egyptians gave it to them willingly! God’s favor knows no bounds.
God never promised us the path would be easy. He just promised us that it will work out (Jer. 29:11). God begins with the end in mind; He may reveal the end goal to you, but He’ll leave the path unknown to encourage you to either trust Him or potentially forfeit the promise.
Thankfully, Moses continued to trust and remain obedient to God’s plan, ultimately leading the Israelites out of their captivity in Egypt and on the path to the Promised Land.
wrapping up.
When I read this, I realized: I had a “Moses moment” earlier that day. I begin to look at my circumstances, as a single mother with so much on my plate, and let those external circumstances make me second-guess what God promised me. God, in His loving and Fatherly way, reminded me that He hears me, He sees me, and He can and will orchestrate my marriage IN HIS TIMING. I just need to be patient.
As a bonus, I went on the following 2 nights to have dreams that shared this theme, confirming His lesson even further. Without getting into too much detail, each dream showed me in different ways that just because someone “looks the part” doesn’t mean they are, and underneath they may be hiding certain traits or secrets that betray how innocent they seem on the surface. Conversely, just because someone DOESN’T look the part doesn’t mean I can’t be pleasantly surprised. In other words:
I shouldn’t trust what I SEE, but what God SAYS.
Honestly, there are times when the weight of 'the future' feels a little too heavy, and the anxiety starts to settle in. In moments like those, I don’t have the words—I just need His. So I reached for my faith jar that night, needing a promise to hold onto. My hands found Psalm 46:10:
Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
What I love about these slips is the gentle reminder on the back. It was like a quiet exhale, reminding me that His plan is so much bigger than my panic.
He will let me know when I’ve met the right one. And so, I can rest easy and stop looking; he’ll likely show up when I least expect it anyway.
Because “letting go” isn't nearly as hard when we know exactly whose Hands are waiting to catch us. 💙
*. *. *
so tell me…
When was the last time God had to gently (or not-so-gently) sit you down and remind you that you’re not the one in control? Where in your life are you tempted to 'take the wheel' right now?
Meet me in the comments—I know I can’t be the only one!
in grace and peace,
gina. 💙
